Elf Joke

What should you give an elf who wants to be taller?

Elf-raising flour

Slow down for three minutes to read this.

Slow down for three minutes to read this.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

---------------------------------------

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

---------------------------------------

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

---------------------------------------

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5

---------------------------------------

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6

---------------------------------------

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

---------------------------------------

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

---------------------------------------

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8

---------------------------------------

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

---------------------------------------

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

---------------------------------------

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7

---------------------------------------

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

---------------------------------------

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8

---------------------------------------

"My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6

---------------------------------------

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5

---------------------------------------

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."

Chris - age 7

---------------------------------------

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4

---------------------------------------

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4

---------------------------------------

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)

Karen - age 7

---------------------------------------

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

---------------------------------------

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Knock Knock...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mr!
Mr who!
Missed her at the bus stop!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mozart!
Mozart who?
Mozart is in museums!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mortimor!
Mortimor who?
Mortimor that meets the eye!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Muffin!
Muffin who?
Muffin the matter with me, how about you?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Muffin!
Muffin who?
Muffin grouchy first thing in the morning!

From the mouths of babes!!

From the mouths of babes!!




MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied
she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you
don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say
five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you
so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom
window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her
Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it
for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it
know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please
don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth
cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do
I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked
his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom
asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll
happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The
man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city
but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James
asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and
then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

Bad jokes

Why are robbers of the sea called pirates?

They just aaaaaaaarrrrrrr
____________

What did the pink panther say when he stood on an ant?

Dead ant, Dead ant, Dead ant, Dead ant, Dead ant, Dead ant, .....

____________

What is pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff

What is blue and fluffy?

(is it blue fluff)... NO

It's pink fluff holding it's breath

More Fishy!

Why Don't Oysters Give To Charity?

.

.

.

Because They Are Shellfish

New Years Eve Jokes

Q: What did the cat shout when it wat put in prison?

A: "Let meowt of here!"

---

Q: What do you get if you cross a stereo with a refriderator?

A: Cool music

---

Q: How do snails keep their shells shiny?

A: They use snail varnish.