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Monday, December 26, 2005

More Christmas Cracker Jokes...

Q: What's the difference between a lighthouse keeper, a thief and a pot of glue?

A: One watches over seas, ones seizes watches and the pot of glue ... Ah, that's where you get stuck


Q: What's the difference between a railway shed and a tree?

A: One leaves it's shed and the other sheds it's leaves.


"Daddy, Daddy, there's a man at the door with a bill"
"Don't be silly son - it must be a duck with a suit on!"


Q: Who invented fire?

A: Oh, some bright spark!


Q: Where does a dog go when he loses his tail?

A: To a re-TAILER!


Q: What do you get every year on your birthday?

A: a year older!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Scarecrow Joke

Why did the scare crow win an Award?

Because he was outstanding in his field

Sunday, December 18, 2005

More Christmas Cracker Jokes...

Q: What did the shy pebble say?
A: i wish I was a little bolder.

Q: What ring is square?
A: A boxing ring

Q: What did baby for say to mummy corn?
A: Where's popcorn?

Q: Which hand should you use to stir your tea?
A: Neither, you should use a spoon.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Christmas Cracker Jokes

Q: Why did the frog meow?
A: He was learning a foreign language

Q: What do you call a dog that ialways gets into fights?
A: A Boxer

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Wotsits Jokes

What goes oooooooooooooooooo?
A cow with no lips


How do you get two whales in a car?
Down the M4 and across the severn bridge

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Dad Son Letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed,"Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice -- even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes.

But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Christmas Joke

Who is the only one not hungry at Christmas time?

The TURKEY. he is always STUFFED!