Kids....

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties.
Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight.
"I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:
"Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.
"Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over
to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about
how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because
we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"

Cracker Jokes from New Years Eve

Q: What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A: A ladder in her stocking

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Q: What's white and goes up?
A: A confused snowsflake

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Q: Why are school cooks so cruel?
A: Because they batter fish and beat eggs

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Q: What ring is square?
A: A boxing ring

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Q: What was the tortoise doing on the motorway?
A: About 1 mile per hour

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Q: Why is milk fast?
A: Because it is pasteurised before you see it

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Q: If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
A: Sippers

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Q: What kind of sweet goes swinging through the jungle?
A: Tarzi-pan

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Q: How can you stop a rhino from charging?
A: Take away it's credit cards

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Q: What is an underground train full of professors called?
A: A tube of smarties

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Q: What do ghosts like about tall buildings?
A: They have got lots of scare cases

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Q: What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!

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Q: What does Santa Claus use to weed his garden?
A: His hoe hoe hoe!